Category Archives: relationships

Ex, work, friends

It was nighttime and I was roaming around on a street and around inside a store. I was with some family? But my ex was there too. When he showed up, I was taken aback, but secretly excited as well. I strove to treat him like I treat anyone else, like a friend, but he was very enthusiastic about seeing and being around me. I enjoyed his presence, but there was a nagging warning in the back of my mind. He was happy, friendly…almost too friendly. As we traveled on together with my group, he kept pace with me, smiling, walking closely. He tried to hold my hand, which I acquiesced for a bit, but dropped because it just felt wrong. I’d told him that he was never going to hear from me ever again, so why was this happening? All the happy, nostalgic feelings were overshadowed by the knowledge that this can’t possibly be real because we were no more, and to be perfectly honest, I didn’t want it to happen again because my brain knew and knows that we weren’t meant to be together…it would never work out. Just end up the way it already has. We stopped on the street to watch some rescue crews deal with a car crash and he, being in the line of work, was very interested in watching how and what they did. I remember looking at his face which was so interested and trying to learn what they were doing in that particular instance. He later tried to kiss me and as I went in to return the kiss, our lips only brushed because I pulled away. None of this was possibly real. He would never do that in public and initiate it. He was never that kind of happy person, eager to learn new things. It was always me who picked up his hand to hold it. HE was the one who’d drop it first. As much as I wanted to feel his arms around me or his large warmth, My brain knew it was just a dream. So, the dream faded.

I was at work now. Juggling 3 patients. A kid, a middle aged woman and one of my greyhound friends. As I jumped chairs to the kid, the woman I saw before, next door, suddenly got up and ran to the front desk. I jumped up to intercept her and she was jamming of my instruments into her mouth and asking me why there was a space around a tooth the tissue. I put her back into the chair, appalled that I’d forgotten to clean her up well, and explained to her in the mirror why some areas were deeper. She’d freak out with sensitivity when I went into a deeper pocket, but was oddly interested in it all. My boss was checking the kid next door and I felt awful that she basically ended up doing the rest of the appt for me. I could feel the disappointment from her, but I had yet another patient to attend to. It was my greyhound friend and his wife! He was in the chair. I was surprised and a little worried, but I go in there and he’s got some deep pockets too. I’m talking to them and tell him that before he leaves I’ll give him a tool that will be useful to him. I get up to get the dentist and get caught up in other things and before I know it, it’s time to go. I grab my bags and coat and head out, but see my neighbor and realize I forgot to get him the tools I said I’d give him. So I run back to the rooms to find things (find that a room has tape on it and turns out some lady was using it as a sort of daycare room for kids. I break the tape and go in to find some kids and adults watching tv, so I go through the drawers and can’t find what I’m looking for, so I go to the lab area and we…don’t have any left? After lots of rooting around, I pick up 3 items and run to him. He’s talking with 2 other men (some of whom I recognize) and I hand him the stuff, quickly explaining what they are for. He asks for a deeper explanation, so I open each one up to show him, apologizing about not having the right tools, but telling him to either look online or go to the store. As it turns out, the one I thought was a brush was in fact a food sauce brush, and the brush handle was more like an exacto knife type of deal. I laughed loudly and so did everyone else, except my coworker who thought it was weird, but I was OK with it because I respect my friend’s intelligence to not destroy himself. Then I walked home with my coworker in the crowded, narrow street of the city where I came across a very old friend who for some reason was half my size. I tapped her on the head and said hello. She turned and saw me, and happily gave me a big hug. I was in a hurry so I said goodbye and kept going, smiling to myself.

Lots of smiling and happiness in the dreams last night!

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Filed under Ex, friends, relationships, teeth, work

People

My mind was going through lists of people I used to know, used to go to school with.

Earliest one I can remember is being in a large campus. It starts as everyone sitting in a cafeteria on those stools-attached-to-the-table things. We’re waiting for an event to start and next to me is someone I’m close with, a female. I assume we are going to be partners given our close relationship, but then goes off and we’re effectively broken up. I’m pretty upset and sad at this point at the betrayal (I don’t even know if I ever see her face), so I wander around, partner-less, to the field and other places on campus. The major festivities are low-key for the moment as it is in between events. I find an old classmate of mine and we hang out with each other. He’s married, I already know, with a kid and everything, but that apparently doesn’t stop us from sitting intimately squished together in this large shoe-like chair. All completely platonic. Soon, the next event starts and we’re back in the cafeteria except this time everyone has a string instrument, playing along to the music. I have my violin, but I was busy daydreaming or something because while everyone is playing, I don’t even have my violin out. So while the orchestra rests, I loudly open Velcros and zippers to pull out my violin and bow. Finally, I am able to play with the group, but I haven’t even gotten to tune anything yet, so I find the note we’re all playing and try to match it. I’m too loud, though and possibly out of tune. No one says anything, just gives me funny looks.

Next I’ve moved on to the hygiene group. I’m in an academy for dental hygiene. It’s absolutely massive and akin to those in Britain. It’s nighttime and I’m walking around making sure that everything is shut down for the night. I don’t think I’m a student, more like a visitor or a mentor. My boss is there too and we all start looking up at the night sky and asking if it’s a blue moon. Some males that are students there are helping out and everyone starts answering. I’m going back to the labs where someone had left some loose corn to boil on the electric stove there, to make sure it’s off. I’d turned it on because I thought someone had not finished their assignment yet, the only reason it would still be there. Since no one was attending it, I go to make sure it’s turned off. Then it’s morning and I join a group of my classmates as we head to the next area across the lawn of the massive campus. It’s not “my” group in the class, but I go with them anyways since we’re all classmates. We go into the automatic doors where we see someone of the other classmates in a room with all sorts of couches for sale. They’re sitting on some and these 4 black guys in sunglasses are all watching us like guards. I flop on a 4 seater couch, as do my entourage, and exclaim that I love the burnt red fabric (a very soft suede). One of the pillows cost $400 and the couch is on Target clearance for $10000. I mention jokingly that it’s on sale, better get it! haha! The guards are none to impressed, but I don’t care since we’re not buying that, so I wander into the next room which is the kitchen sale area. I keep going, seeing some glasses for sale and on and on through the store. It’s in a mall! My friends keep going, but I double back to try on the glasses frames since I need some. Some severe-looking rich people start making comments and I shrug and keep trying on increasingly ridiculous and eccentric glasses.

I’m having a sudden memory of another dream, a much more action-packed one in white building and dealing with…clothes? Some nakedness? Farting? haha. Clothes racks, maybe werewolves and blood and survival. A parking deck, digging a hole in the ground, weapons.

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Filed under Blog, co-workers, relationships, school

Storage unit, some lovin

Last night and the other night

After going through a large exhibition area where there was to be a convention (all the merchants were setting up) I decided to go tour a storage facility with my brother as we were thinking about renting a storage unit (true story btw). According to the computer this particular facility only has 4 other renters so we had the pick of the crop. We go through thr dimly lit hallways and peer into each “unit” though each one seemed more like a big room than a storage unit. In fact the storage facility seemed like an old office or school building. We played in one of them, doing cartwheels and somersaults while some kids came into the room to run around too. Carrying on, we found one where we were thinking through the logistics of mattresses and tires fitting in the area. Then I decided to go through another unit close by. Turns out it belonged to another person (why storage units have your run of the mill door with a knob I dunno) and they had the whole setup! Bed, lamp, dresser. Even a window. I turned to my brother, knowing that it was fully illegal to do this, but shrugged and said, “Well it’s certainly cheaper than renting an apartment.”

Last night’s dreams were less logical. In fact there were 2 instances of me trying to score. One with a guy I used to go to college with and the other was a woman I’d never met before…skinny, possibly asian, shoulder cut hair parted to the side. Since no one reads this, I think I’ll go into a little more detail. The setting was my place, which was like an apartment, white, bright and inviting, the sun pouring in through the large windows adorned with sheer white curtains. She sat down in a chair and leaned back, a smile on her face and relaxing. I walk up to her from in front, smiling myself in anticipation. Before I could touch her, though, she kicked off her heels and breathed a loud sigh of satisfaction. She had on a red tube dress with spaghetti straps, and I brush the straps aside, off her shoulders (and at this point apparently slid them off altogether). My view was of her armpits and up and it is only understood that she was naked, not actually shown. I begin by rubbing her shoulders, her thin, tone muscles, small under my hands. Then I start to work my way down and oops, on to the next person! Different day, same place. On the bed this time, is my old schoolmate. He is unclothed and on the bed, all white sheets and pillows and walls. I hop on and start playing with his body as he smiles knowingly at me. His tan skin and firm muscular body attractive in all ways. We’re about to get to the fun part, when my mom decides to walk by. I try to cover him up with the sheets, but he starts joking with me and we play-tussle while giggling. My mom looks at me with an annoyed look on her face, as if saying, really? Now? Then rolls her eyes and keeps walking. We giggle with each other some more and…

Next dream. BUMMER!!!!

This part is more confusing and sporadic, but I am at one point walking Gable along some streets and near crowds of people. I’m doing it on purpose as people take one look at him and utter words of amazement. We walk along a road, down a street, near the water, up another street. Just strutting our stuff and he’s being such a good boy. Then I’m in a mall-type open air place where I’m supposed to be working. My coworker is there and she asks me to take a PA of her teeth. I do and we compare them to the last one taken. She is missing her molars, just root tips remaining, while the premolars present with broken roots! No wonder he’s having pain. I tell her we have to let a doctor see it, and we wait until my boss looks at her teeth, but his face is all wrong…too long and with white fuzz growing from his face. Then all of the sudden I’m working for this really hard-ass guy who is making a big deal about some small instance and then…I wake up

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Filed under co-workers, dogs, family, relationships, teeth, work

Ex, old friend, hygiene, curry

Sometimes I wake up with my eyes crusty and gooey. I guess I’d been crying in my sleep. That was me this morning.

The other night I dreamed of him. I was in a facility, building of some sort, an apartment building or something in a city. There were lots of friends, people and family. I look out the window and there is a fire at the building next to us with lots of fire trucks underneath, trying to fight it. The other building on the other side is burning too. I’m scared that we’re going to catch fire, and of course, fires make me think of one person. Suddenly I turn and see him, with great surprise I greet him, but he looks so different I don’t even recognize him. He’s skinny, oh so skinny and tired/haggard looking. Even his face is wrong, but I know it’s him. I hug him hard, even though I was afraid of hurting him, and am extremely worried at this point. He tells me that they won’t let him work any more than Sundays as a fireman and when asked why he says it’s because he’s a woman now. That he’s been turned into a woman and he’s at the end of his rope. A surge of resolve flows through me and I tell him that I’m going to help him make it right. We’re going to turn him back into a man so he can live his life again. Now it’s like a video game. He is so happy that I am going to help him, so we open up the map and we fly around until we get to the world I need to get to. The objective is a watery place where we need to find information and I get to a large mushroom that I need to climb because that’s where it is, the answer, when…I wake up. I tried so hard to go back to sleep and finish it, because he was waiting for me dammit! I NEED TO HELP HIM. …But…my brain refused to go back to that dream and I tossed and turned until I got tired of trying to dream.

It was very depressing and disturbing too. Just like in real life, I couldn’t help him even though I promised to, no matter how desperately I wanted it.

Last night was interesting and convoluted. I slept well even though I woke up with tears in my eyes.

There was a part where I was supposed to have been cleaning teeth for some young people but their 5 sisters were making it really hard for me. Still managed to, but overly frustrating and took a long time. Then I was back in my old house, except that I knew it wasn’t our house anymore because it was dark, cold and sterile because my dad has turned it that way.  At the table I was entertaining some friends and people I sort of know. My old friend was asking me about curry and where to get some, and I said, well, here in nova it’s easy to find. He said that he doesn’t like the preservatives in them, so I said there are plenty of alternative stores here too. Before he left I went to spice closet (in the laundry room…) to find our curry to show, but I couldn’t find anything. Then the bell rang and it was a package, but I didn’t want to answer the door because it’s my dad’s house and I didn’t want to know what it was in the box. He was busy hiding until he saw it was the mail carrier and went out to get it. Turns out it was something for my mom? Who was also there. Then suddenly I was outside and my old friend was sitting on the grass. I asked him if he could do cartwheels and he said he didn’t want to scare the rodents in the moss. So we both sat down and I felt like I wanted to sit next to him and have him hold me, but then that reminded me of my ex (I guess that’s where I cried) and I realized that I wasn’t ready to start another relationship yet, even though I wanted to. The heart and brain fighting again. So we both sat there as I poked at the moss on the ground and observed as police pulled over a car.

 

 

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Filed under boyfriend, dad, family, food, relationships, work

Cheating?

I woke up this morning feeling badly…in the dream and in real life for having dreamed it.

Of course there are other dreams, but this one stuck out to me.

Mixed in with people I know going to med school, and counting wrongly in my dream the number of rooms my paternal grandmother has in her because my sister wanted to know as she needed to move back to the neighborhood for a job? I counted 8 rooms, but now realize it’s wrong because I added an extra story and a basement, neither of which exist for real. It’s just 4 bedrooms. Anyways, it all was about one of my suitors when I was online dating. He did (and still does I think) think very seriously about me and it carried over in this dream. This very vivid dream. Anyways I went to visit him in his apartment/dorm which he shared with 2 other guys. Very cozy place, a little cluttered, but it’s a small area. They were all in school or maybe were just younger guys working. This must have been day two, as it felt like I’d done it before. I’ve been there before…like I’d dreamed it before. My sister was present for a little while as if he was close to being in a relationship with me. Anyways, we drove places and went places like a large Olympic pool in a gym, a concert outside, drove on the streets of a busy urban area. We arrived back at their place and everyone was chilling. He and his roommates were being kind of loud, and he yelled at his friend to “BE QUIET, just BE QUIET!” My sister gave me a look like, whoa…and disappeared, like she left. I couldn’t take the noise anymore so I went into the next room for some calm so that I could play my Bubble Witch Saga 2. It’s a smaller, darker room, like someone’s bedroom. Instead of a bed there’s a large sleeper sectional with hunter green bedding, made, but somewhat messy all facing a TV. It must have been his room. Obviously they use it as a communal place to either play video games or watch TV. He follows me, as do both of the other roommates. He sits to my right and the roommates on either side of us and the TV turns on.

Everyone’s calmed down at this point. I rest my head on his shoulder and give it a few kisses (like I do M, but this one specifically feels NOT like M). At this point it’s obvious that we both feel something for each other, tensions start building in my body. His roommates take no notice like it’s natural,  but I am very conflicted as I was there only to hang out with him because we’re friends and I have a boyfriend. He hugs me and whispers that he can make his friends leave the room, in fact he’s going to ask them to leave. He starts telling them so, but I stop him and they didn’t bother to move anyways, because I need to leave. He gets a very sad and pained look on his face, and he sits down, defeated, watching the TV. He doesn’t talk or look at me. I feel sad myself as we have just hit a pivotal point in our relationship and I have effectively gave him a direct answer, but I feel that this is the right thing to do. It’s not fair to M. I can’t do it. I can’t cheat on him. I know we’re just dating, but I love him too much. So I say goodbye to the roommates, starting with the talkative one on my left. I go to hug him (I guess we’ve all known each other for a long time) and he gets on top of me and starts bouncing. I laugh, when the door opens and a suitemate/neighbor girl stares at us with a weird look because we were being too loud, but seeing him bounce on top of me like that she’s weirded out and slams the door. I laugh again because that would be a strange sight to anyone looking in on us, but apparently it’s normal? I go next to the cool roommate and hug him goodbye. Uneventful.

I make my way to the desk next to the TV and open one of the boxes of gummies. I concentrate and lean my head into the portal, but I get to my shoulders and get stuck, so I come back out. My friend begrudgingly comes over to help, giving me an older, half eaten box of gummies with the words “Use this box” written on it in black Sharpie. He gives me a sad smile and I tell him goodbye. Sure enough the box did the trick and I was in my mom’s house.

Didn’t have time to think about the relationship situation because I was in the midst of a family party and had to make my own food, but the gas burners wouldn’t burn evenly because there was so much black charred food/sludge blocking them, so I scraped it off.

Analysis: The friend in this dream is a real guy, and he does still wish I had chosen him over M. I talk to him sometimes, and I like having conversations with him, but I can tell that he’s still sad over it. MagFest was just this past weekend. Was he thinking about me?This dream must have been my brain’s definite answer to that possibility. It would be weird if it was a shared dream. Haven’t heard from him since Friday. Either way I woke up feeling really badly. REally really badly that I had even been tempted to cheat on my bf.

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Filed under Blog, relationships

Fishing with dental floss; Honeymoon??

I’m covering 2 different nights worth of vivid and memorable dreams here.

Fishing

I’m in a small paddle boat with who I assume to be my dad, but I only see their large, meaty back and never their face. I mention something to them about how I’ve been trying to get away from my dad because he’s not a good person. The person responds sadly, “Do you really think so?” I suddenly feel awkward so I manage to make it off the boat and back on shore, someone shows me how to fish with dental floss by tying one end onto my finger, tying a loop in the other and dragging it into the water. Surprisingly, it’s successful and I get 2 or 3 small fish. To throw back, of course. Then the other invisible person says we should go cave fishing. So I follow them and I have to fish underwater now. Jump in and find that my floss isn’t working because it’s too short. The barred knifejaw are very large underwater and I think I try to catch them with my bare hands, but it’s futile. So I get out and end up playing street hockey farther in the cave with my mom’s cousins kids.

Honeymoon??

It starts off with me looking for some hotels or motels to rent. There’s a smaller one which I said in my dream was  Best Western with only 4 levels or choose from one of the surrounding larger multistory ones. I’m looking specifically at Holiday Inn, but the building doesn’t look quite like it. Anyways, while I’m outside studying both, I look over to see some firefighters and other rescue people trying to fight a fire from a helicopter and truck ladder on the “holiday Inn” building. I’m so excited because I get to see firefighters in person! All of the sudden I can’t get closer because a crowd has gathered to watch including some policemen. I pull out my phone to take a picture and send to M, waiting for the fireman with the hose to stand up for the perfect picture. I text him and then all of the sudden we’re in a rented beach house on the ocean front of North Myrtle Beach.

It’s a newer place kind of like a townhouse, but detached. We had just unpacked everything, specifically the food and I was busy recounting excitedly to M all our different traditions there at the beach. Then I took stock of all the food because the next step was usually to go grocery shopping. As I looked through all that we’d unpacked, I started getting tears in my eyes because my mom had helped pack all the food and even remembered the cha lua like we always have brought to the beach with us. She had packed so much that there was no need to go grocery shopping at all! We head outside for our next plan when suddenly I see one of my old hygiene classmates Christine. She’s so happy to see us and turns out she was right next door! But by herself! She seemed lonely and her bf is not with her. So she excitedly and enthusiastically takes us on a tour.

First we head out to the beach where since I’d been there last, they’d installed a small strip of pavers into a boardwalk for runners and bikers. I was very pumped about this because I wanted to rent bikes and see if we’d be able to bike all the way to myrtle beach. Then she led us back and showed us the ample arcade the community had. I was impressed there too, but it was getting late and since we’d just arrived we needed to get back to the house. She followed us and I leapt into M’s arms, who carried be effortlessly across the threshold. She still followed us, but looked forlorn like she missed her own bf. She putters around the house while we stand there, me trying to figure out how to hint that she should go. She even offers to help me make ramen for dinner and I laugh because ramen is my specialty, thank you. She takes the hint and goes to return to her house, sadly. I turn to M when she leaves and say to him, “At least she can take a hint.” I laugh and bury my face in his chest.

THE END

Analyses?

My dad in YET ANOTHER DREAM. Always trying to be as peaceful and sad as ever. I have no explanation for fishing and dental floss because I’ve never been fishing before and my dad does not like fishing.

I hadn’t realized initially how much like a honeymoon the second dream sounded until I texted M about it. The more I look at the words, the more it sounds like one. So then why did it have to stop at the good part  *pout*

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Filed under boyfriend, dad, relationships