Category Archives: dad

Ex, old friend, hygiene, curry

Sometimes I wake up with my eyes crusty and gooey. I guess I’d been crying in my sleep. That was me this morning.

The other night I dreamed of him. I was in a facility, building of some sort, an apartment building or something in a city. There were lots of friends, people and family. I look out the window and there is a fire at the building next to us with lots of fire trucks underneath, trying to fight it. The other building on the other side is burning too. I’m scared that we’re going to catch fire, and of course, fires make me think of one person. Suddenly I turn and see him, with great surprise I greet him, but he looks so different I don’t even recognize him. He’s skinny, oh so skinny and tired/haggard looking. Even his face is wrong, but I know it’s him. I hug him hard, even though I was afraid of hurting him, and am extremely worried at this point. He tells me that they won’t let him work any more than Sundays as a fireman and when asked why he says it’s because he’s a woman now. That he’s been turned into a woman and he’s at the end of his rope. A surge of resolve flows through me and I tell him that I’m going to help him make it right. We’re going to turn him back into a man so he can live his life again. Now it’s like a video game. He is so happy that I am going to help him, so we open up the map and we fly around until we get to the world I need to get to. The objective is a watery place where we need to find information and I get to a large mushroom that I need to climb because that’s where it is, the answer, when…I wake up. I tried so hard to go back to sleep and finish it, because he was waiting for me dammit! I NEED TO HELP HIM. …But…my brain refused to go back to that dream and I tossed and turned until I got tired of trying to dream.

It was very depressing and disturbing too. Just like in real life, I couldn’t help him even though I promised to, no matter how desperately I wanted it.

Last night was interesting and convoluted. I slept well even though I woke up with tears in my eyes.

There was a part where I was supposed to have been cleaning teeth for some young people but their 5 sisters were making it really hard for me. Still managed to, but overly frustrating and took a long time. Then I was back in my old house, except that I knew it wasn’t our house anymore because it was dark, cold and sterile because my dad has turned it that way.  At the table I was entertaining some friends and people I sort of know. My old friend was asking me about curry and where to get some, and I said, well, here in nova it’s easy to find. He said that he doesn’t like the preservatives in them, so I said there are plenty of alternative stores here too. Before he left I went to spice closet (in the laundry room…) to find our curry to show, but I couldn’t find anything. Then the bell rang and it was a package, but I didn’t want to answer the door because it’s my dad’s house and I didn’t want to know what it was in the box. He was busy hiding until he saw it was the mail carrier and went out to get it. Turns out it was something for my mom? Who was also there. Then suddenly I was outside and my old friend was sitting on the grass. I asked him if he could do cartwheels and he said he didn’t want to scare the rodents in the moss. So we both sat down and I felt like I wanted to sit next to him and have him hold me, but then that reminded me of my ex (I guess that’s where I cried) and I realized that I wasn’t ready to start another relationship yet, even though I wanted to. The heart and brain fighting again. So we both sat there as I poked at the moss on the ground and observed as police pulled over a car.

 

 

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Filed under boyfriend, dad, family, food, relationships, work

Games, king cobra, guys, deli food, dad

Woke up not wanting to leave my beautifully soft pillow, but alas. The dreams were pretty fun, though, mostly set up in the form of video games.

As I was wandering around this video game world (1st person, my view), with items, objectives, and data to collects, I was playing with some friends and my brother, but I kept wandering off to do my own thing as they were launching assaults into other areas. I remember I opened a lock and one of my buddies ran in to grab the chest before I could in jest. I was exploring the map and was under fire from enemies so I took the nearest warp point which set me right at the feet of a mid-range monster. With no friends to help, I had to hit the little toes (Zelda Skyward Sword-style) to make it fall down, but I must have woken up or gotten hot, because the dream changed.

Now I was in a supermarket, at the deli counter, having gone through a small portion of the store already. I was debating (like in other dreams) what I should get, a little disappointed that unlike last time (other dream) their dessert section wasn’t nearly as expansive or fresh, but I told myself it was for the better because it’s healthier. Their freshly made grilled cheese sandwiches were too expensive ($2.88!!!) so I was longingly looking at the chicken, turkey and other meats fresh baked. Everything was too expensive and I couldn’t afford it. Just as I was going to leave, an enthusiastic worker who looked quite like a certain Oral Surgeon, came out with a large piece of solid yellow something. He touted to the large crowd gathered that it was fresh seasoning for the meat! He then climbed the ladder (much to the other worker’s irritation) and dripped this fat laden seasoning packet down onto the meats below. Everyone including me was so happy and they other worker started handing out samples of the newly seasoned products. It was HEAVENLY! I still couldn’t afford anything, but at that moment my mom arrived and I eagerly told her about the seasoned food! She seemed skeptical but the man came out to hawk the products again! Just as she was about to agree to buy some, the dream changed. More heat it think.

This next part was broken up into small parts partly because of heat, dogs and my need to use the restroom. Early morning usually sees that. I was doing something with one of my old suitors-still-friend guys, then it was time to meet up with other people to go for food with my dad. Obligation on my part. We were sitting in the back of a car together, must have been a taxi or an Uber, with me on the left side and he was sitting in the middle for some reason. Our legs and shoulders/arms were touching in the back of the small sedan and he was leaning purposefully on me. I remember thinking to myself that I felt very neutral about it all, very unlike how I feel when I sit next to my bf, and thought to myself that I should tell him that later. Anyways, we arrive at the food place and it was like a Checkers? You choose your food, pay with coins and choose the bigger entrees at the main counter. I took a small baguette that cost 75 cents but I didn’t have any quarters so I go tot he ATM and cash out an old gift card with $99.67 on it. Pay for that, and head to the table where my brother, dad, suitor friend and yet another online suitor friend was sitting. I remember whispering to one of them that my dad is very annoying and I wish I didn’t have to eat with him.

Dream switch to another video game dream. This time animals were involved and I was being chased by something, but I also had a King Cobra, its mortal enemy, so we crossed an ocean portion and I released the cobra in hopes that it would fight the other and give me a chance to escape. Instead, as I was trying to leave via swimming (my most vulnerable!) the Cobra suddenly jumped up, flew over top of me and aimed so that it was fall on my head. I remembered that snakes can swim and I freaked out because it was trying to kill me. Then the game paused. I guess I must have died or I don’t know. Next and last thing I did was relate to my brother this part of the game how this snake could fly and proceeded to attack me.

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Filed under boyfriend, dad, fear, food, Video game

Dad again!!! And food.

Ugh. Go AWAY.

Guess who was honoring me with his presence again? Causing more problems too. So we are on vacation with family members. A few strange things happen that I can’t remember, but my cousins are there. Anyways we are getting ready to go to sleep and we’re having trouble finding beds for everyone to sleep on because there are so many people there all of the sudden. They try to make me give up the twin bed I’m sleeping on for one of my cousins and without waiting for me to say anything, they take it. So I manage to arrange the “couch” which is a bunch of cushions into a small bed for myself, and not caring about what else is going on, I go to sleep…only to be awoken by a loud bang and someone yelling “WAKE THE F— UP!!!!” I open my eyes to see a middle aged white woman standing the room I’m in (the central living space) yelling and holding a gun to the ceiling. Everyone starts spilling out of rooms and beds, gathering around her. We all move into the kitchen and I see, astonished, more people than I could ever have imagined would be able to inhabit the space. Strangers and family!!! They had to have been all over the floor! The crowd goes out the door and into an open area where the authoritative lady starts berating my dad who looks really defiantly sheepish, and embarrassed. I roll my eyes when I realize it’s because the vacation home is only allowed to hold 8-10 people and as usual he’s tried to cheat the system. In disgust I push back into the dwelling past the crowd and find that someone was hiding in a kitchen cabinet (ground level)…and it happens to be Father Renniger from my childhood in full vestments! And a bottle of wine. He looks at me and continues to sit there, so I shrug and continue through the house. *cue waking*

Just remembered another dream I was having which involved my uncle and food. We were meeting him at a restaurant and started ordering food. He ordered pho version 3 and my mom was like, WHOA they have that here??? And he was like, YEAH they have everything here!! Like really excited too. Strangely I was uninterested and was conferring with my brother about the burgers and hotdogs that looked amazing (and amazingly heart-stopping).

Other dreams included mice, beds, a sad story about a teacher, picking up an adorable, soft rat with no tail (so a hamster??), an amusement park, some roller coasters.

Food dreams? Goooooood stuff. My coworker tells me that she never gets to eat the food in her dreams. I do…to the point where I even try to eat my own pillow in real life. Or my nightguard.

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Filed under dad, family, food

Bothersome night

I can’t remember all the dreams but I do know there were negative emotions associated with them.

First there was the one where we were searching for a good Chinese place to eat. We found the old place we used to go to but everything was shutting down. We managed to snag a baked pork bun but when we came back again it was all closed. We went in anyways and it looked like they were just as surprised to be shut down. Then the places started cooking food anyways and a few of them got together to make a big feast. I wanted to start eating, but they were to wait until certain people showed up. I remember some big wigs were there and some were upset.

Then all of the sudden we jump into my dogs…namely my baby girl who was not doing well. Interestingly I don’t remember seeing her very clearly, but I felt it was her. I didn’t want to go to the vet, so I tried to research and buy the barbiturate to put her to sleep myself. It worked after some drama, and I remember my boy standing stock still, just staring at her.

I think I woke up at this point for whatever reason and when I went back to sleep, I dreamed of M, my bf. He was visiting me here in my house, and it was this big deal as I had al my family members around. I talked to him about video games, and then the dream delved into a video game, complete with complex story  where the characters took on the shape of a different character. My character wanted to kiss his character at the end of the game and I asked him, smiling, what if I’m not me and I’m so and so character. He just smiled at me and then it reverted back into “reality.” I kissed him for real a couple times, but there were so many people around we couldn’t do more. When I looked up, I saw my dad. Damn him why is he always in my dreams?!?!?!?! He fixated M with the most loathing hate. It infuriated me and I tried to chase him off. He finally left, but I was in an awful mood because he had destroyed everything being there. I threw things and slammed things in anger, and when I came back to M, I told him apologetically that I hated my dad. He just smiled and pulled me to him. Then it was time for him to leave and it was a big send off because we had all of this raw meat and food to send him off with. It started raining outside, but we helped load it into his car. I was very sad to see him go. My grandparents loaded themselves into his car and insisted  that he drive them home. I was confused and so was M, but they also wanted him to first bring them to a specific bank in order to open a bank account for him. My grandma was adamant about it and wanted to make it so that she could send him money while he was overseas. My grandma isn’t adamant about much, but when she is you don’t say no. M was bemused, but happy at the same time and went to oblige. When we got there, he walked off to go to the bank and his back was the last I saw of him. Him being overseas explained the reason for the big hullaballoo and why my emotions were off the charts.

 

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Couple of dreams

I’ve been having dreams lately about houses. Last night I had no real dreams I remember because I didn’t actually sleep much. However the last few night have been rather memorable.

There was one about cars. I was at the Subaru dealer with my brother, when he decided to buy an old Ford Explorer. Like old, old, with the red, rusty color and all dusty and everything. So, similarly, I bought an old Dodge Viper. Like, OLD. And it was tiny. We went to park it somewhere and all I had to do was push it (not drive it) into a small area between a snow covered trailer, and another car. Then I went to lock the door with the manual key, but I had to get on my hands and knees to find the lock because the car was so small and it turned out the key hole was broken and we’d have to fix it. I decided I’d have to jump in because it was convertible anyways. While down that low, I found a bunch of coins from the previous owner stuck in the door that I’d have to look through later. We drove it “home” which happened to be a very nice, pink/red brick house probably around 3000 sq ft. It had a full paver driveway with a 2 car garage and lots of space on the driveway. There were 3 new cars there (from visitors) and my brother was there already, so I put my car along the side. My brother commented that it will probably need a cover, and I was wondering if it didn’t as the insides looked like it was made for weather. The annoying part was that my dad was there too. I spent some time complaining that he was there and saying he needed to leave but no one seemed bothered by it. Then I complained about having 2 houses and how maybe I should go live at the other house. He seemed interested in the car, and for some reason I’d unscrewed all the parts on the way over, so I tried to put it all back together with some difficulty.

Next dream was a different house, the next night. It was a much more homey house, not nearly as nice, but still in a quiet, tree-filled neighborhood. 2 stories, a beat up looking covered sunroom, and about 2100 sq ft, no garage. The yard in the back was pretty big and we had just had a new fence put in. Now before this house part there was a part with getting stopped by police checkpoint. My brother and I were eating FunDip and the police had to test the white powder substance in the baggie and our faces. The test turned red and the other cop said that we shouldn’t eat those they cause cavities. I got along really well with the cop and I gave him a big hug (his body reminded me of M) before we left. OK, back to the house: I had let Liana and Gable out but someone had knocked a section of our fence out so Liana ran off. I had Gable, but thankfully some other greyhound owners got her and she ran back to me. Then there was a section where some greyhound owners were having a meeting in our backyard and I had to listen to it. Turns out it was the neighborhood that busted out our fence because they were making a sidewalk. Then a guy said that he could move the end portion of the  fence to right before the sidewalk, because with it the way it was then, our appraised value of the house goes down since it messes with the nice view of the trees. I agreed and then made plans to plant things on the other side of the sidewalk, assuming that it was still ours.

strange, strange, strange.

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Filed under car, dad, dogs

Frogs, Windows, Magic, and Evil

Just a glimpse into a fitful night filled with dreams.

My dad decided to show his face again, and was trying to fix my room’s window in a new house which looked like a mix of our old house and my house. Popout windows, white siding, long drop to the driveway.  Looking at it from inside, there were little frogs living on it which he didn’t want to bother (atypical of him) or hurt. I saw spiders and spider eggs and was like ew. Then I wondered how easy it would be to escape if necessary, but the dropoff to the driveway was immense. The other window in the room was more doable because there was a tall evergreen with pink flowers I could potentially jump onto. Then I wandered over to the room next door where my sister was sleeping to look out the curtainless window and see what would be the escape route if necessary because below the window was the roof above the garage.

Cut to a call from my aunt (who is at the beach) to her stepson who was (in the dream) at home. She was very disappointed in him because he had some friends over and had somehow managed to flood the entire house. Disappointed would’ve been the least words I would have used if they were my kids, but whatever. I appeared in the house as a sentry of sorts in her stead and my step cousin felt rebellious towards me but not enough to refute my power. They were planning more mischief so while I was brushing my teeth to go to bed, I released my minions (in the form of little kids) to monitor and “add to the confusion of people” since he’d invited so many people over (like 5 people…) No one seemed to think the kids dressed in bland clothing out of place, but it worked to prevent other disasters in the house. Pleased, I went around getting rid of them with a flick of my wrist, trying to “not get found out” with my magical abilities, but I was unable to pull my last group out as if some power was blocking my magic. So I go into the room and see a skinny, glasses-wearing south Asian teenager boy sitting on a chair talking to my cousin (completely different cousin now). My 2nd layer eyes could see his glowing eyes and purple aura and the malice in him. Back in the reality layer my cousin was sitting on his lap kissing him when I jump in and in the most lackluster action sequence EVER take him to the ground. I even did it 2 or 3 times because my dream self couldn’t believe how little resistance he put up, trying to pin his arms behind his back. Anyways I menace him and threaten him and squeeze his neck trying to choke him (effective), and told him to call off the demons he summoned to storm the house. He disappears in a huff, and I pull my minions away. I go to leave and my cousin follows me concerned. I “collapse’ on the deck in exhaustion and get up to tell her I was OK, when I WAKE UP.

Just remembered an earlier dream here: Video game-like. My brother and I plus some other people (my sister?) were at an arcade with old games we used to play and we’re like, WHOA LET’S PLAY THIS. Then I’m in a video game where I’m a warrior who has to climb a mountain.

Haha.

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Fishing with dental floss; Honeymoon??

I’m covering 2 different nights worth of vivid and memorable dreams here.

Fishing

I’m in a small paddle boat with who I assume to be my dad, but I only see their large, meaty back and never their face. I mention something to them about how I’ve been trying to get away from my dad because he’s not a good person. The person responds sadly, “Do you really think so?” I suddenly feel awkward so I manage to make it off the boat and back on shore, someone shows me how to fish with dental floss by tying one end onto my finger, tying a loop in the other and dragging it into the water. Surprisingly, it’s successful and I get 2 or 3 small fish. To throw back, of course. Then the other invisible person says we should go cave fishing. So I follow them and I have to fish underwater now. Jump in and find that my floss isn’t working because it’s too short. The barred knifejaw are very large underwater and I think I try to catch them with my bare hands, but it’s futile. So I get out and end up playing street hockey farther in the cave with my mom’s cousins kids.

Honeymoon??

It starts off with me looking for some hotels or motels to rent. There’s a smaller one which I said in my dream was  Best Western with only 4 levels or choose from one of the surrounding larger multistory ones. I’m looking specifically at Holiday Inn, but the building doesn’t look quite like it. Anyways, while I’m outside studying both, I look over to see some firefighters and other rescue people trying to fight a fire from a helicopter and truck ladder on the “holiday Inn” building. I’m so excited because I get to see firefighters in person! All of the sudden I can’t get closer because a crowd has gathered to watch including some policemen. I pull out my phone to take a picture and send to M, waiting for the fireman with the hose to stand up for the perfect picture. I text him and then all of the sudden we’re in a rented beach house on the ocean front of North Myrtle Beach.

It’s a newer place kind of like a townhouse, but detached. We had just unpacked everything, specifically the food and I was busy recounting excitedly to M all our different traditions there at the beach. Then I took stock of all the food because the next step was usually to go grocery shopping. As I looked through all that we’d unpacked, I started getting tears in my eyes because my mom had helped pack all the food and even remembered the cha lua like we always have brought to the beach with us. She had packed so much that there was no need to go grocery shopping at all! We head outside for our next plan when suddenly I see one of my old hygiene classmates Christine. She’s so happy to see us and turns out she was right next door! But by herself! She seemed lonely and her bf is not with her. So she excitedly and enthusiastically takes us on a tour.

First we head out to the beach where since I’d been there last, they’d installed a small strip of pavers into a boardwalk for runners and bikers. I was very pumped about this because I wanted to rent bikes and see if we’d be able to bike all the way to myrtle beach. Then she led us back and showed us the ample arcade the community had. I was impressed there too, but it was getting late and since we’d just arrived we needed to get back to the house. She followed us and I leapt into M’s arms, who carried be effortlessly across the threshold. She still followed us, but looked forlorn like she missed her own bf. She putters around the house while we stand there, me trying to figure out how to hint that she should go. She even offers to help me make ramen for dinner and I laugh because ramen is my specialty, thank you. She takes the hint and goes to return to her house, sadly. I turn to M when she leaves and say to him, “At least she can take a hint.” I laugh and bury my face in his chest.

THE END

Analyses?

My dad in YET ANOTHER DREAM. Always trying to be as peaceful and sad as ever. I have no explanation for fishing and dental floss because I’ve never been fishing before and my dad does not like fishing.

I hadn’t realized initially how much like a honeymoon the second dream sounded until I texted M about it. The more I look at the words, the more it sounds like one. So then why did it have to stop at the good part  *pout*

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Filed under boyfriend, dad, relationships

RV, packing for the beach

I don’t remember the chronology here much, but it definitely involved Dr. S driving a humungous RV the size of a tractor trailer around my childhood home of Snowhill for fun. I complained because he was making tire marks in my beautiful grass. And then inside the house in my old room shared with my sister, I was trying to pack stuff to go to the beach, but I kept being unable to find essential things like my bathing suits. There were plenty of shorts to wear though. Couldn’t fit it all in one bag so I had to pack my side backpack with either DVDs or video games. Meanwhile my BiL was in there sitting with me because my sister was taking a shower or off doing something, and I whispered to him that vacationing with my dad sucks and driving with him is even worse…not to mention that it would be in a giant RV. My dream self had a mental image of plowing over people on the highway. So apparently we were going to the beach but HE was coming along? My mom shows up at the doorway to say that this will be fun and I told her that it would have been more fun without HIM. She looks at me surprised and I ask her to remember to how much fun we’d had in the past without him.

The analysis: The feelings of resentment even in my dream are strong! For some reason whenever he is in my dream somewhere everyone makes him out to be this calm awesome guy, so that my dream self will have to sit there are remind everyone that this isn’t the case, which is interesting because of anyone my mom has the most and deep seated resentment for the man. My childhood home figures prominently in my dreams with vivid images and memories of small details like the intensity of the light bulbs, although of late I’d not dreamed about it…this was probably the first time in several months that I can remember. I wonder what brought that on? Other houses show up in my dreams too, but not nearly as often. The new development is that my BiL has appeared! haha.

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Filed under beach, dad, family

House, Snake, dad

First dream entry….GO!

Location: We were in a house with white siding on a brick base. It’s not a new house, but considering the messy state of the yard we’d just recently moved in. Small deck on the side with a grill with a grill cover on it, muddy ground, leaves everywhere. The house itself was wider than it was tall, but 2 stories. A yard present, but ringed by trees…not a forest, but trees as you can make out other houses in the neighborhood behind and beside. Inside had a rustic feel, not super old, but homey. Overall the house needs work, but nothing I can’t tackle.

The lowdown: So my mom and I were walking around the house and I was complaining that I had to dig so many holes to plant new plants we wanted to place down. I kept walking back and forth as my mom went back into the house to cook or whatever to judge sunlight because my Camellia plant was dying and needed to be moved. I come around the side of the house, and I see Gable in obvious distress, dragging his back legs as he tried to crawl to me. Alarms go off in my head and I rush to make sure he wasn’t paralyzed. Thankfully he could stand, but his back paw had the distinct holes of a snake bite. I look around for Liana and find her sphynxing and not moving by the dark corner of the deck/brick wall and the side door. Hastily all feet are searched and a large bleeding area on her back left foot confirm the bite. I immediate look around for the snake, and suspect that it’s in amidst the leaves gathered in the corner. The Box (my dad) shows up and I say, there’s a snake here! Find it! I poke around in the leaves with a stick and the snake shows itself. Quickly I guide the dogs inside the house and turn back to try and find where the snake went. My dad is standing on the deck steps looking for it and I yell, there it is! Left! on the left! Turn LEFT! on the grill! He is still scanning and turning as slowly as possible and I watch in the confusion the snake jump into him aggressively. Some yelling (probably from me) ensues, and I hide behind the safety of the door. Peeking around the corner of the door, I’m concerned because I know that you can’t tense up and be scared with snakes. He slowly peels the snake (short, stout, with red, black and gold bands and diamonds) off and I yell, throw it over the side of the deck and get in here! Instead, he looks admiringly/lovingly at it, caresses its scaly skin and gently lobs it over the side of the deck. I scream again at him to get inside, but he just stands there almost entranced as the snake aggressively comes back up the deck railing to attack. Somehow he’s off the deck and the snake repeatedly attacks something on the deck railing, dripping venom everywhere!

Analysis: I was awoken to what seemed like someone shaking me to wake up, and I was glad to be able to stop the dream. Most of the dream can be explained from things seen/discussed the night before. The snake was from a show on Animal Planet about “World’s Biggest Pets” where a girl in Britain had a Burmese python that attacked her and was overall aggressive. The house was from a house for sale in our neighborhood. Different houses are a common theme in my dreams because we’re always thinking about new houses. The plants are because the plant I originally thought was a Camellia is indeed dying and I keep trying to make it live. I LOVE messed up yards because I love to be able to fix them and plant things in them. My dogs were because yesterday they were playing and Gable came in to get me to show me that somehow Liana’s paw got hurt and she was sitting in the living room with one paw up and trembling. Now my dad…well. He needs to stay the heck out of my dreams, but every so often there he is. And he always acts so weird!!!

There you have it! dream #1 on this blog. This time most of it is explainable.

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